Season Two

Red's Last Day

Jackie: So, I guess the first time it actually really happened, was when I was horseback riding.
Donna: Huh. So, you know, I think this van could be pretty nice.
Jackie:You know, I'm glad he got it. At least it's a step towards responsibility. Maybe Michael's maturing.
Donna: Yeah. Hang on to that dream, Jackie.
Jackie:Donna, I'm serious. I think he's growing up. God, I"m so proud of him that, if I werent' already sleeping with him, I'd sleep with him! So have you and Eric done it yet?
Donna: Yeah, we did it and I forgot to mention it.
Jackie: So what's the hold up?
Donna: Whatever. It'll happen when it happens.
Jackie: Yeah, I guess if I were Eric's girlfriend, I would not be in a hurry to do it either.

Laurie & the Professor

coming soon

Garage Sale

Jackie: In a way I don't blame Fez I am very appealing.
Donna: I just can't believe he kissed you that's-
Jackie: Donna I have to confess something, it wasn't terrible.
Donna: How not terrible?
Jackie: It was the best kiss of my life, I mean Fez is totally not an option cause he's foreign and everything but Michael has never kissed me like that.
Donna: What was so good about it?
Jackie: You know when Fez talks he sometimes rolls his r's?
Donna: Yeah
Jackie: Well that's what he did in my mouth
Donna: Really? That actually sounds kinda cool
Jackie: I know
Donna: I mean don't get me wrong you know Eric he's a great kisser and everything but he's never like rolled anything.
Jackie: Oh I just love kissing don't you Donna?
Donna: I am gonna go find Eric

I Love Cake

Donna: And then he punched me in the arm and said, "MAN!"
Jackie: Oh, God. What a horrible disaster. Well, go on!

Donna: I guess I like, totally screwed things up. Cause ever since I said 'I love you' he's been acting SO weird.
Jackie: Okay, wait a second. I'm a little confused. Why did YOU say 'I love you'?
Donna: Because I love him.
Jackie: Oh, Donna. That's got nothing to do with it!

Jackie: You are WAY too young to be saying I love you.
Donna: Shut up, Jackie! You say it to Kelso all the time, and you're like, younger than me.
Jackie: Not in love years!

Jackie: All right, look. Eric doesn't know how to handle that kind of thing. You probably just scared him off. All you could do right now is play it cool for a while, turn down the emotional heat, and - Donna, God willing - he'll forget you threw yourself at him.
Dnna: I know it sounds impossible, but, what you just said actually makes sense.
Jackie: Look, the sooner you realize I'm a genius, the better off we'll both be.

Donna: Jackie, let's get out of here, this is kinda lame.
Eric: Wait, Donna! So, will I see you later?
Donna and Jackie exchange glances. Jackie mouthes 'no'.
Donna: No, you're never going to see me again.

Sleep Over

Donna: So, you know what?
Jackie: What?
Donna: Oh, I can't tell you.
Jackie: Oh my god! Now you have to tell me! Even if it's not about me, I wanna hear it.

Donna: I was really bad last night.
Jackie: Did you shoplift? I knew it!
Donna: No! I slept with Eric last night.
Jackie: Oh my god! Oh my god! Was it great?
Donna: Yeah! I was asleep!
Jackie: Eeew!
Donna: No! No, Jackie, we were both asleep.
Jackie:So nothing happened?
Donna: Well, you know, some things happened. We mostly slept.
Jackie: You mean, you were in his bed, and he didn't whine and beg for like, two hours until you were so sick of hearing his stupid voice that you just gave in so he would shut up?
Donna: No. I love him! He just, like, held me all night.
Jackie: Oh my god! That's so sweet! Michael's just after me all the time! I mean, I understand, 'cause I'm sexy and all, but still! Like, ok, he always says, “Why cuddle when we could do it?”
Donna: Well, was he always like that?
Jackie: No. No, I guess things kinda changed after we did it. But in a good way.
Donna: I love it when Eric holds me.
Jackie: Yeah, I love it when Michael buys me stuff.

Halloween

Jackie: You know what, I don't care! You are an idiot and science is stupid! Donna, let's go.
Donna: Gee, wonder what we're gonna talk about.

Jackie: God, I can't believe Michael pushed me out of the way like that!
Donna: Me neither! I figured he'd use you as a human shield!

Jackie: Donna, the most noble thing a man can do is lay down his life for the woman he loves. Ideally, while she's still young and can remarry! Do you know who protected me there? Fez.
Donna: Well, he had to; he's Batman.

Jackie: All right! All right! Everybody just leave him alone! Ok? Because he may be a liar, but at least he's not a back stabber like Eric.
Donna: Stay outta this, Buela.
Jackie: Oh, don't call me that.
Donna: Oh, sorry! Buela.
Jackie: Fine! You know what? Donna kissed Hyde last year.
Eric: What?
Jackie: Don't mess with me!

Eric Gets Suspended

coming soon

Vanstock

Donna: Um, Jackie, look, you know, before we surprise Kelso, there's something going on that you should know.
Jackie: What?
Donna: You know, vanstock is gonna be really boring, and it's gonna be muddy, and you know there's a good chance there's gonna be some Canadians there.
Jackie: Eeeew!!!

Laurie Moves Out

Jackie: Eric, please leave. I have to talk to Donna alone.
Eric: Well, okay, it's not like this is my home or any-
Jackie: ERIC!

Donna: Jackie, you have something you want to ask me?
Jackie: See, I'm kinda worried about Michael and Laurie. I mean, she found his t-shirt in her room, and he said it wasn't his even though it had his name in it. And, at that time, I believed him, but now, I can't remember why. But if there is something going on, I think I want to know. But I don't want to know. God, I don't even know if I wanna know, ya know?
Donna: I'm supposed to say...
Jackie: Donna, you're supposed to say that there's nothing going on, that Michael loves me, and that we're together, and that's all that matters.
Donna: That sounds good.
Jackie: GOD, you're so naive!
Donna: Isn't there like someone else you could talk to about this?
Jackie: Yeah, well I used to have this penpal in Nicaragua, but she just stopped writing after this hurricane thingy.

Hunting

Midge: Come on, Donna. We're storming out of here.
Donna: Ok, see ya!
Jackie: Hold on, I'll storm with you! Thank you for a lovely afternoon, Mrs. Forman!

Eric's Stash

Donna: A beauty pageant?
Jackie: Yeah! I mean look, Donna. It's not even that we know I'm prettier than everyone else. I want the world to know!

Donna: And what better way to do it, than to go onstage and parade around like a piece of meat!
Jackie: I know, I know!

Jackie: So, Donna! You wanna go see my gown?
Donna: ... ... Let's go.

Donna: So, Jackie, does the winner get a scholarship or something?
Kelso: Who cares? College is for ugly girls who can't get modeling contracts.
Donna: No. College is for women who don't want to marry the first idiot that they meet and squeeze out his bastard moron children.

Kitty and Eric's Night Out

coming soon

Red's New Job

Donna: Kelso, you mind if I join in your sexy circle too?
Kelso: Why not?
Donna: All Eric ever wants to do is talk.
Laurie: I told you he was a loser.
Donna: I know! I mean, how am I supposed to talk when I don't have a thought in my pretty little red head?
Jackie: See, Michael? Donna's just as empty headed as we are! Oh, Donna, you make a great addition to our sexy circle.

Laurie: You gotta stop goofing around, Kelso. Am I right, Jackie?
Jackie: Laurie is so right, Michael. We are very disappointed in you. Even Eric got a job.
Laurie: Yeah, even my stupid brother got a job.
Hyde: Yeah, her brother's stupid and he got a job.
Donna: Sexy circle? She slaps Kelso on the back of the head.
Kelso: Ow!

Burning Down the House

Jackie: So here
Donna: 'You and a guest are cordially invited for an evening of cocktails, dinner, and TV.'
Jackie: The attire is semi-formal-casual.

Jackie: Donna, I'm going to have dinner parties all the time when I'm Mrs. Michael Kelso, Esquire. Just think about it.
Donna: Do it have to?
Jackie: Oh shhh..

Donna: You ok?
Jackie: Donna please, I really don't want to talk about Michael. Ok, so what is your honest opinion about Michael?
Donna: Umm, by honest you mean
Jackie: Donna, please learn to listen.
Donna: Ok fine, honestly, you have certain expectations of Kelso that may not be entirely realistic. You want him to be sophisticated and smart, but actually he's unsophisticated and unsmart.

Jackie: God, how dare you say that about me and Michael!?
Donna: Jackie, you wanted my honest opinion.
Jackie: Your honest opinion that we're great together!

Jackie: God Donna, men are stupid. How can they not know what we want? I think they know what we want, but they just won't give it to us. You know?
Donna: It's so simple.

Donna: Eric was such a dink tonight. And I mean it.
Jackie: Totally.

After Glow

Jackie: Donna, one of your drunken uncles is touching me. Jackie's eyes widen as she looks at Donna. Oh my god.
Donna's face suddenly has 'I HAD SEX' written on it.
Jackie: Oh my god! We need to talk. Right now!

Jackie: All right. Tell me everything.
Donna: No.
Jackie: Come on, Donna, we're supposed to be friends. Aren't we friends?
Donna: Well, yeah.
Jackie: Ok, then. So. What'd it look like?

Donna: Jackie!
Jackie: Ok, we'll come back to that one. So how was it?
Donna: Jackie, I don't really wanna talk about it.
Jackie: Oh. That bad, huh?

Donna: No, no, no. It was great. It just wasn't what I expected. I don't think we did it right.
Jackie: So Eric's not good?
Donna: It was more likelike neither of us was good.
Jackie: Donna. It's not up to the woman to be good.

Donna: I dunno, Jackie. I mean, I love Eric, but when the moment came, it was just like, awkward. And weird. And.I dunno, I just felt so far away, you know.
Jackie: No. But go on!
Donna: I mean, during it I just remember thinking, you know, this it it? This is what everyone
Jackie: Everyone what?
Donna: That's as far as I got.

Jackie: Oh. See, that's the problem.
Donna: That's not the problem.
Jackie: Oh, trust me, that's a problem.

Kiss of Death

Jackie: Donna, we're supposed to be friends. Would it have killed you to say, I know you love him, but Michael's a jerk?
Donna: Jackie, I think my exact words were, I know you love him, but Michael's a jerk. Sohave you seen Kelso since

Jackie: No. He's a liar, and a cheater. Maybe that's how all guys are.
Donna: I know how you feel. Like, it's bad enough what Eric did to Mr. Bonkers, then he lied to me.
Jackie: Yeah. Eric put off telling you something because he didn't wanna hurt you. Whoo! That is so much worse that cheating on you with another woman. Oh, wait. No it's not!

Donna: Oh. Wow. I guess Eric was just trying to be nice. Maybe I'm overreacting.
Jackie: Look. Lemme tell you something, Donna. Until goody-goody Eric cheats on you with your stupid dead cat, I suggest you shut up.

Kelso's Serenade

Donna: And then Eric says, "You can comeif you want."
Jackie: Eww, if you want? Ouch.
Donna: Right? I don't know, I think he's sorta taking me for granted. Ahh I don't know, maybe I'm just overreacting.
Jackie: No Donna, you're under reacting. All men take all women for granted all the time.

Donna: Jackie..
Jackie: Save yourself the heartache Donna. Break up with Eric now before it's too late. Then we can be single girls together! Oohh, we could take a cruise!

Jackie Moves On

Donna: I was over at Jackie's this morning. She is so down, it is REALLY depressing.

Fez: So, Kelso, now that you and Jackie are no longer an item. I can ask her out, right?
Kelso: What? Since when you do like Jackie?
Donna: Yeah, Fez, I don't think that's a good idea.
Hyde: Yeah, Fez, that's a bad idea. jackie's on the rebound right now, why don't you just give her a break?
Kelso: What?! Since when do you like Jackie? What, does everyone here like Jackie?
Eric: I still don't.
Kelso: Thank you, Eric.
Donna: Fez, I just think that Jackie's really vulnerable right now.

Jackie: So then, after I finished putting all my pictures of Micheal, in my special Michael box, I realized that I'm so totally over him!
Donna: You liar! Look at yourself, and if you keep stuffying yourself like this, you're gonna get --
Jackie: Don't you dare say it, you bitch!
Donna: Fat!
Jackie: No! Noooooooooo!

Jackie: Yup, I've almost finished my fifth pie, and I'm still completely over Michael.
Donna: No. Stop. Wait.
Jackie: Mmmm. Blueberry! Hmm. I'm feeling kinda wierd. Jackie turns into a blueberry. Oh, no! What's happening to me?! Ohh! Oh, goodness! Oh, gracious! Oh mY!
Donna: No more pie for you.

Jackie: Oh, my God, Donna, I'm scared. I ahve to control myself!
Donna: Okay, well then let's start by you handing Donna the jerky.
Jackie: Back off you Amazon! I just need more time.
Donna: Okay, you slapping my hand when I tried to take your jerky is something a fat girl would do.

Parents Find Out

Jackie: So, the cops caught you doing it? Oh, my GOD! That is SUCH a turn on!
Donna: That is not a turn-on! You're a little pervert! Jackie, I have a big problem. How am I going to tell my parents?
Jackie: Okay, If you need to use the bathroom, you should do it now, because I have a lot to say.
Donna: No, I'm fine thanks.
Jackie: Okay. Your first mistake was wearing pants for carsex. When you do it in the car, skirts are your best friend. Zip! Zip! Bim! Bam! You're done! You're dressed! You're back at the mall.
Donna: Jackie, I'm screwed. If I tell my parents, only one of two things can happen. They'll either be furious, or they'll ask me how it was.

Holy Crap

coming soon

Red Fired Up

Donna: Jackie, it's great to see you so happy, and strong, and OVER Kelso. you're like a rock, you're like a tiny little rock.
Jackie: Donna are you tryig to tell me bad news? Or are you making fun of my butt?
Donna: No your butt's fine.
Jackie: FINE?!
Donna: Glorious, whatever!

Donna: Look, Kelso's dating Laurie.
Jackie: *gasp* ... I don't care.
Donna: Oh, come on! how can you still have feelings for him!
Jackie: DOnna, I don't have feelings for him. I just hate that bitch for making him happy.
Donna: Oh, believe me, she will make him more miserable than you ever did.
Jackie: Oh, Donna. Thank you. I am going to pray to God, that you're right.

Jackie: No offense, Eric, but your sister, she's a slut.
Eric: Jackie, not since the Smokey vs. Bandit debate have you and I so been on the same page.
Donna: I think we're all on board.
Jackie: God, this is so great! You guys all hate Laurie, and love me!
Hyde: Yeah, we all hate Laurie.

Cat Fight Club

Donna: So, Eric won't invite me over for dinner, so I was thinking maybe you wanted to go to the mall or something?
Jackie: That's cool.
Donna: ... Wait, I don't know what you mean.
Jackie: Oh, my GOD, it worked! I mean, Whatever.

Donna: Guys, stop it! OWW! She bit me! Jackie, hit her in the EYE!

Moon Over Point Place

Donna: Eric, it's no big deal!
Jackie: It is TOO, Donna! Your nasty butt ruined my picture.
Donna: Hey. Maybe your nasty face ruined by butt picture.

Jackie: Michael is such a boy he doesn't even know who he is. You know who know who he is? Stephen Hyde.
Donna: Oh no now you like Hyde?
Jackie: No I don't like him I just, I just think he's like the sweetest coolest guy I've ever met

Donna: Jackie, I thought you hated him.
Jackie: Feelings change Donna, like remember when we first met and I hated you
Donna: What?
Jackie: Yeah I thought you were like this big goon. Didn't we have this talk?
Donna: No

Jackie: I am so sorry.
Donna: It's okay. I mean I hated you too.
Jackie: Yeah that's cause you were a big goon.
Donna: Bitch!
Jackie: Goon
Donna: Bitch!
Jackie: Goon! See; see we're closer that ever. Ahh I gotta go find Steven.